I am really struggling right now.  I have zero motivation.  I have been eating chips, candy and cookies with gay abandon!  I have no self control.  I haven't bothered to track my calories or even seem to care what I eat.

I'm scared to weigh myself since I wouldn't be surprised if I had gained back all 25 pounds that I've lost over the last year.

But yesterday I was huffing and puffing and struggling to walk up a hill, and not even a big hill.  It woke me up to the fact that I really need to get this under control if I want to live a  long and healthy life with my family.

So today, I try again!!

Having Mom here for 2 weeks was great motivation.  I managed to lose 2 pounds while she was visiting, and that's with eating out a lot and even having lobster!

She's been gone a week and I'm trying to stay the course.  I did not lose any weight this week, but at least I did not gain any.  As always I struggle with exercising.  I either don't have the time or the motivation.  But today, I dropped Liam off at school and went for a 45 minute walk.  It's a start!

Numbers

Numbers

There are a lot of numbers when you are getting into shape.  How many calories in that cookie?  How many inches is your waist?  What do you weigh? How long did you exercise.

I now have a new favorite number.

For the first time in my conscious memory, I bought a pair of size 18 jeans! And they fit!  And I don’t have to lie down and use a coat hanger to do them up.  WIN!

It's so hard to get back on the wagon again!  I'm down to 235 and have been holding steady there for several weeks.  I have made no effort at dieting or exercising and I feel like crap.  We had access to friends' cars for 2 weeks and ate a lot of take out during that time.  Add to that the fact that it has rained for nearly 30 days straight and it would seem that everything is conspiring against me.

BUT

we bought Liam a new bike last weekend and I got mine out, pumped up the tires and had a great ride with him that afternoon.  I'm hoping planning on getting out with him more often!!

New diet plan

Get tooth pulled.  OUCH!  I don't see me eating much in the next couple of days!

Another 2 pounds!

Yeah!  I've made it to 240.  That's 2 pounds a week for the last 4 weeks.  I don't feel hungry and I'm not denying myself anything - as evidenced by the Easter Cream Egg wrapper sitting next to me.

Styes

I now have another sty, in the same spot on the same eyelid.  This is either the 4th one since before Christmas, or the same one that has never completely cleared up.  They hurt like heck, my eyelid is swollen so my vision is off, and I'm getting headaches from it.

And it turns out the styes and other skin infections occur more frequently in people with diabetes, making me wonder, once again, if I've moved from pre-diabetic into actual diabetic.